Is It Really ADHD That’s Making You Distracted?
Focusing in the classroom or on my homework while growing up has always been a difficult task for me. I remember one particular incident during my sophomore high school chemistry class where I got my finger stuck in my desk while clearly not listening to the teacher talk about periodic tables (side note: I just had to google what you discuss in chemistry). This incident derailed my poor chemistry teacher's lesson for 30 minutes as the class tried to find ways to get my finger unstuck. We weren’t on the best of terms after that. Another example of a way I would distract myself is by obsessively picking my split ends. My friend who sat next to me in class even got my hair clippers for Christmas that year!
At the time, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I thought I must have ADHD, right? The diagnosis of ADHD perfectly matched my behavior: constant fidgeting, appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions, and most importantly, having a short attention span and being easily distracted. But what if there was another reason I couldn’t focus in school? What if it was more than just a diagnosis or a label?
In the book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose your life, author Nir Eyal states that:
"As is the case with all human behavior, distraction is just another way our brains attempt to deal with pain."
Growing up, my association with school was painful for multiple reasons: the pain of failing most tests I took, the pain of not attending the same class level as my peers, and the pain of getting laughed at for answering teachers’ questions wrong in class. Therefore, after diving deeper into Nir Eyal’s book it makes perfect sense to me that my inability to focus in school was really because of my painful association with school itself. NOT because I had ADHD…
While on Addy….
Unfortunately, instead of tackling these negative beliefs head-on through therapy and self-work, I resorted to Adderall to solve my inability to focus. However, even with the drug at work, the deep feelings I had of insecurity and incompetence never went away. To my surprise they actually grew exponentially because now, I felt like an imposter, taking a drug in order to be smart, not because I’m naturally smart.
While off Addy…
Once I got off Adderall I started processing the negative self-beliefs I developed as a kid that impacted me for so long because I was no longer able to numb these feelings with a drug.
I know now that whenever I feel myself getting distracted during a long meeting or a difficult task, it isn’t because I am incompetent, it is because I am feeling the discomfort that needs to be addressed.
coping mechanisms i’ve learned while feeling distracted addy free…
1. Positive self-talk:
When I find myself going down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk with old beliefs that were never true but engrained in my psyche, I try and talk to myself like I would a friend. Would you tell your friend that she’s stupid or incapable of doing something? I hope not!
2. Set realistic expectations for yourself:
As a naturally competitive person, I tend to set way too high expectations for myself. I don’t like starting something if I don’t think it’s going to turn out perfectly. Unfortunately, that’s just not have life works. You need to start something even knowing there is a big chance you could fail. Just because I thought I would fail Chemistry, didn’t mean I needed to completely tune out in class all together. No one will succeed with this kind of mindset. The realistic expectation I could have set for myself in Chemistry class is to grade myself based on the hard work I put in, not the results.
3. Acknowledge your feelings:
If I could go back to that day in Chemistry when I got my finger stuck in my desk, I would acknowledge my feelings of incompetence compared to my peers who seemed to get it. It's not easy watching your friend get an A and you get a D, but that's okay! There are some things I was better at; that's what makes the world go ‘round.
